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I don’t know about you, but I am easily distracted by shiny things on the interwebs. A brightly colored banner with bad grammar on it will get me every damn time.


I am so in!

Because, who doesn’t love playing with a fish? If you’ve ever tried to play with a fish in real life, you know that they’re wiggly, slippery, and usually just shit in your hand before you end up chasing it around the room to get it back into the tank without stepping on it. While it can be slightly entertaining, you need to make sure to have at least twenty minutes set aside, and be prepared to be asked to seek a new healthcare provider because you just suffocated an expensive fish. Again.

To be completely honest with you, it doesn’t even need to be something on the internet that distracts me. I often find myself lost in thought because I saw a spider crawling on the ceiling and sit there wondering if they ever get dizzy hanging upside down like that. Hell, it could be something as simple as a piece of hair in the sink that takes my mind on a journey like this:

I mustache you what you're staring at.

I mustache you what you’re staring at.

That’s also why my toothbrush sits in a cupboard. There’s no threat of beard hair anymore, but my kids are pretty gross sometimes. I don’t trust them around my toothbrush any more than I’d trust a tiger to season my steak while I heated up the grill.


You can have it back later tonight.

I’ve pretty much mastered getting distracted as an art form at this point. Too bad nobody wants to pay me for it. Yet.

Speaking of getting distracted, have you ever checked out my buddy Chuck over at Always Drunk? If not, you should, and I’m not just saying that because I took online stalking to a whole new level with her. She’s very talented, sarcastic and loves monkeys almost as much as I do! She was even kind enough to let me guest-post on her site! You should go check it out. She posted the letter I taped to my neighbor’s door after hearing his loud sexual encounters for the umpteenth time. (I’m not going to lie, it’s pretty great for a passive-aggressive letter.) You should also poke around over there. Her brain is amazing!

Okay, enough doting and stuff. You go read my letter to my randy neighbor, Randy while I play with my new little fishy friends.