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It all started with an email.

We had never met, but somehow, there you were, writing a page and a half email to me.

You bared your soul in that first letter.

You told me about your uncle that had been killed in a mine. Your aunt who had cancer. Your dreams of building a business that would benefit the entire planet.

We had such a great connection, and you seemed so interested in me. You even wanted to know my middle name and my mother’s maiden name.

Somebody who doesn’t care wouldn’t ask those questions, right?

I thought it was meant to be right from the start. It was fate!

My friends tried to warn me …

They told me that you were just in it for my money. That you just wanted to take what you could get, and then you would run. That you would eventually turn on me. Cast me aside like Tom Hanks in that one movie where his best friend was a hockey puck or something.


Did you do something different with your hair?

You whispered sweet nothings in my ear. You made me feel special, even when there were thousands of miles and an ocean between us. You promised me that we would become rich beyond our wildest dreams and build a castle in the sky, from which we would reign supreme over all who survived The Cleansing.

And I believed you.

I loved you so much that it hurt my heart.


My heart was actually bleeding! Remember that? You were in Nigeria when I had to have the surgery, but I knew that you were thinking about me while you traveled to Hong Kong.

Just knowing that you were out there somewhere, breathing oxygen — just like me (even if yours wasn’t coming through a tube). Eating food (again, sans tube) just like me. Thinking, wishing, hoping, dreaming, and pooping in your adult diapers … just like me.

And I felt safe.

I gave you everything you ever asked for without question.

I threw caution to the wind, and approached life with a new reckless abandon.

I know that you’re busy. Your job keeps you flying all over Asia and Africa.

But I would have followed you blindly into the depths of the bloodiest hell you can imagine, to Mars, or heck, even to Detroit.

And what do I have to show for it besides bad credit, a messed up car, and a broken heart?


Please pass the super glue.


Now I will forever feel the sting of your last words to me, which proved what I had already known for so long.

I still can’t believe that this was all you had to say:


I have an investment portfolio that involves money deposited in my bank in China which I can easily transfer to you as beneficiary. The transaction is risk free because it has been strategically planed to complete successfully. Contact me on my email address below for more details.

Best regards,

Li Xiung

Email: blahblah@something.com.hk

It’s like you don’t even try anymore.

So it’s over.

Besides, I was recently contacted by a prince, and I’ve got a good feeling about this one.

Now all of my dreams will come true.